Help! I'm being held prisoner in a chinese bakery.

For Richard's birthday, I made fortune cookies with mostly silly and bizarre 'fortunes' inside.  It was kinda hard to shape them quickly but still enjoyable.  The recipe tasted great.  My cookies ended up being a little chewy and tough in the middle rather than thin and crunchy all over, so I'm going to try spreading the batter really thin before baking them next time.  The author says to tilt the cookie sheet but I don't think I did.  I just happened to have a fortune cookie birthday card from the awesome assortment of handmade cards that I buy periodically at Costco. 

I used the recipe @  www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Fortune-Cookie  I quadrupled the recipe and it made around 4 dozen cookies.  I think they were a bit large though.  You could also color the cookie batter for parties or dip them in chocolate.  Yum!

These are the 'fortunes' I used in the cookies.  I'm a big fan of really funny, bizarre, not crude, depressing thoughts/fortunes.  I searched several sites, like fortune cookies sayings sites and I also love checking out despair.com.  Heres the list:


Foot: A device for finding funiture in the dark

Be sure your will is up to date - best check it out in the next 2 weeks.

Good health is coming your way. However, it may pass you by

Play close attention to your sleeping arrangements tonight. An important lesson or challenge faces you.

Best review last year’s tax returns. The IRS has just pulled your file for audit.

Cookie sometimes see great success and happiness ahead for you. Sometimes cookie very stupid.

You will die alone and poorly dressed.

Help! I'm being held prisoner in a chinese bakery.

Ask not what your fortune cookie can do for you, ask what you can do for your fortune cookie.

About time I got out of that cookie.

An alien will be appearing to you shortly.

He who throws dirt is losing ground.

A
starship ride has been promised to you by the galactic wizard.

Never forget a friend. Especially if he owes you.

Do no mistake temptation for opportunity.

A tub and a rub will change your day.

Better to press shirt than press luck.

Let’s just say that the cookie is going to be the better part of the "fortune cookie."


Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

Today is probably a huge improvement over yesterday.

Please dont eat me!

The road to riches is paved with homework.

You are the crunchy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.

I love Richard!!! ~Janelle

You will be hungry again in one hour.

Happy Birthday to my favorite husband!!

You will eat another fortune cookie.

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water

My life has been golden since I first saw your smile. JS + RS 4ever!

Those who have love have wealth beyond measure

A great person was born on your birthday - YOU!

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Do or do not, there is no try.

Top of Form 1Bottom of Form 1

If you see spots before your eyes, see a doctor. If you see Spocks before your eyes, see a psychiatrist.

You are about to meet the woman of your dreams. Unfortunately, the woman sees you as the man of her nightmares.

Never give a high five to a shark unless you want to lose some skin.

Well, that year's over. On to the next!

There's no better jungle gym than Daddy! ~Cliffton, Violet and Azure

May good fortune come to you on Richard's birthday!

"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
-Sir Winston Churchill

You will soon receive an inheritance.

Make your own fortune here:____________________________________


He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless its really a meteorite hurtling toward the earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless its death by meteor.

There are no stupid questions. But there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

Richard, Richard, he's our man, if he can't do it no one can, gooooo Richard!!!

If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.